Technology

AI: Turning computers on

Killer Plant Ideas better than the Happening

Plants learn to better store and amplify the sun's energy giving them Ultra-Violent Ray Guns with laser precision and Death star-like destruction

The Happening

Despite the optimistic namesake, The Happening definitely is not (uugh). The onus of this failure is on the inactive ficus within M Night Shamalyan's residence for not ending this before it was written. Even though I'm a fan of Mark Walhberg's earlier underwear modeling career [glance at my desktop background] I cringed watching him try to invoke emotion; this guy just doesn't do things like love, sorrow, and thought. Who actually suggested him for the role of science teacher? Him bumbling through the scientific method was like a sloth reciting the alphabet. "Identify...the...variables..."

Quick movie synopsis (spoiler warning): breeze, central park suicides, wind, entire North East suicides, great sadness, walking around, random suicides, a crazy lady, breeze, suicide, survive the wind/plants onslaught, Mark Wahlberg's movie wife is pregnant...with a poinsettia you ask, unfortunately no, European suicides, the end.

The only real winner from this release is the 1991 sequel Killer Tomatoes Eat France! which now moves to the second to last slot in my official Killer Chloroplasts: Top Plant Movies of All Time list:

1) Little Shop of Horrors

2)Day of the Triffids

3)Invasion of the Body Snatchers

4)Killer Tomatoes

5)Return of the Killer Tomatoes!

6)Killer Tomatoes Strike Back

7) reserved space for upcoming killer plant movie

8)Killer Tomatoes Eat France!

9) The Happening

News in Haiku

Cheaper I-smartphone

longer charge,  G3 PS

small network, oh my?

Grades came out today

minor depression sets in

others always judge

Celtics win again

despite loll, late Laker wave

Irish piss in lakes 

Strapped for Cash: U.S. imposing tax on acronym and cliche usage

IRS spokesman George Friedel, "Our revenue stream would have been dry in two shakes of a lamb's tail if we didn't hunker down and go against the grain of tax precedence ASAP.  However, this was a fine line because we didn't want to wipe the slate clean completely and then have to reinvent the wheel.  In the end, we knocked it of the park with this proposal, resulting in a win/win situation for everyone.  Raking in the money like a cash cow we will be able to provide much needed funding for green projects and personalized healthcare, as well as align incentives for Americans to think outside the box when putting together sentences.  For too long we have lived in the lap of luxury with a cake of go-to phrases and eaten it too.  We really nailed it on all fronts!" 

The tax committee is airing out the proposal before the House later this week. "This card has been held close to our vest during the writing process,  but I guess its time to run it up the flagpole and see who salutes it."

Getting the bill passed will be an uphill battle or at best a toss-up.  Many representatives feel that the 800 pound gorilla in the room is the government itself.  "These guys are barking up the wrong tree, it's like the coffee calling the kettle black i.e. we are an institution filled to the brim with acronyms," Representative Dean Mahoney commented, "We should regroup and focus on the R&D work the D.O.D has been doing on reversing the money doesn't grow on trees theory."

The legislature may want to let the dust settle as outside response has everyone shaking in their boots and trying to get a tongue-lashing in edgewise.  Several top dogs at companies are madder than wet hens.  "Hold your horses," GE spokesman Richard Fentenworth said, "these guys aren't playing with a full deck.  The only thing they nailed was another nail in the coffin of Capitalism.  I mean this could just be the tip of the iceberg, before we know it there'll be taxes on everything but the kitchen sink.  If we give them this inch they'll take a mile."  

A fortuitous response considering the title of the other followup proposal they've been kicking around, "A penny for your thoughts and a dollar for every wish".

News in Haiku

Black gold strangling

supply or speculation?

Hedges best left green

Da' Tara's Roses

victory for all equines

Right stable loses

Drinks on Boston roof

biddies on Newbury look good

alas no bullhorn